What the heck am I looking at?

Tetricus here too.
As stated above the reverse doesn't fit Laelianus
Victorinus has a distinctive and bigger nose
Postumus's portraits are drawn after Santa Claus, while this one is not

Q

 

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At first glance I assumed Tetricus but I'm not very familiar with the Gallic emperors.

Based on the garb I think the reverse is a male figure. The reverse legend seems to have an S as the third or fourth letter so maybe you can arrive at an identification using the reverse. I guess it could instead be a very degraded die for Spes (or a barbarous copy).

 

Not all Tetricus portraits look the same, here are some of mine -

This is the OP coin, one of them looks more like Jr

 

That settles it then

 

Here is a Victorinus that looks very similar to Tetricus but he is often ( not always ) depicted with a larger nose.