Valerian I packs his bags for a tour of the Sassanian Empire and gets captured

Breaking News:

Emperor Valerian's much acclaimed tour of the orient hit a small snag today when he was detained at Edessa by Shapur I, King of Kings and ruler of the Sassanid realms. Unnamed sources claim the emperor was so busy dreaming of Turkish baths and creating a shopping list of exotic spices that he forgot one tiny detail about his tour, namely the large and angry Sassanian force determined to cut the emperor's vacation short.

When interviewed, the mighty Shapur said: "I always wanted a Roman emperor as a footstool. Every warlord here has a local footstool, but only I have a fat and plump Italian import for a footstool. I'll be the envy of all of Persia at the next horse tournament."

The Roman Senate has convened hearings to determine what involvement, if any, the Russians had in this affair.

What a sad end for Valerian's meteoric career. All hail our new emperor, Gallienus. The new emperor could not be reached for comments, but the imperial press secretary said Gallienus is determined to make Rome great again.


Valerian I (253 - 260 A.D.)
AR Antoninianus
O: VALERIANVS P F AVG - Radiate, draped and cuirassed bust of Valerian I.
R:ORIENS AVGG - Sol, holding globe, raising hand.
Colonia Agrippinensis (Cologne) mint. 2nd emission
3.5gm
RIC 13

 

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Haha I love this theme Salient keep up the work and coins!


Thanks,
Jacob

 

Thank you. I'm just trying something different. I hope you guys find my efforts at least mildly entertaining.

Feel free to share relevant coins.

@Youngcoin , you have a Tacitus, so you could share that in the Aurelian thread as Tacitus was the successor of Aurelian.

 

I did!!

 

The king is a foot stool! Love live the king!

 

Sallent, your 3rd century collection seems to be trucking right along! Great surfaces on your example!

New footage of the breaking news events here:

 

That's wild. The Sassanians were so advanced they invented 16th century clothing fashion and weapons. No wonder Valerian didn't stand a chance. That is a fantastic renaissance depiction of the events.

 

MRGA lol

 

Thanks for the funny write-up, @Sallent ! Here's a drachm of Shapur I, struck on billon unlike most Sasanian drachms (including most issues of Shapur I) that used good-quality silver. It's been speculated that this issue was struck on debased flans captured in the war with Valerian.

 

I'm afraid the OP is all fake news. I have it on good authority that Valerian restored the East. Take a look at this genuine ancient document!


21-19 mm/ 3.78 grams.
IMP C P LIC VALERIANVS PF AVG
Bust of Valerian right, radiate draped and curiassed
RESTITVT ORIENTIS (restorer of the East)
Turreted female (the orient) standing right, presenting wreath to emperor standing left, holding spear.
RIC 287c (Antioch mint). Others call it "uncertain Eastern mint". Sear 9967.

 

Further verified by this totally independent and equally reliable source from Samosata:

 

The problem is we are flooded with contradictory informations from so many medias. Valerian is everywhere nowadays : Who to believe is telling the Truth !!!



Q

 

Ahahaha!.. you all are crackin' me up ><

 

Rome decided to build a wall between Persia and the Roman empire , and the Sassanians are gonna pay for it.

 

I love it. It's not mildly entertaining, it's very entertaining.

 

Valerian talking like a pirate, "Arggh!"


Valerian I, AD 253-260
Roman billon antoninianus; 3.29 g, 20.2 mm
Rome, AD 257 Obv: IMP C P LIC VALERIANVS P F AVG, radiate, draped bust, right
Rev: P M TR P V COS IIII P P, emperor seated left, holding globe and scepter
Refs: RIC 142c; Cohen 166; RCV 9961; Hunter p. xxxiv.

 

Not to be contrary but, there substatian evidence that shows it is Shapur that is building the wall

 

Very amusing guys!! I always appreciate some humor, especially these days....

I always think of poor Valerian confidently and patiently waiting for his son Gallienus to arrange payment for his release