Did you hear about the guy that had a dog with no legs? He called him Cigarette because every now and then he'd take him out for a drag.
Two hikers were trudging through the Alaskan wilderness. As they rounded a bend in the trail, there, no more than thirty feet ahead of them a giant grizzly raised up on it's hind legs. It looked very peeved and ready to charge at any moment. The one hiker calmly sat down, pulled his jogging shoes out of his backpack and started changing out of his heavy hiking boots. The other hiker was dumbfounded at his stupidity and said "you know that even with those shoes on you can't outrun a grizzly." The guy just smiled and said "I know that, but now I can outrun you".
What do coin collecters eat for breakfast? Wheaties!!!!! If a coin collecter owned a bison ranch, why would they go out of business? Because they pay extra for three legged buffalos!!!!!!
rlspears10 CONGRATS! He posted twice in a row and both of them made me laugh, so you are the WINNER! PM me your address please Thank you for everyone else who participated this was all great!
i know the contest is over, but i still want to share one of my favorite jokes: a cowboy is looking to buy a new horse and sees a "free horse" ad in the newspaper. he calls the number and sets up a time to see the horse. upon arriving at the house, he is greeted by a preacher. the preacher tells the cowboy that the horse is free, but that there is a small catch. "what do you mean?" says the cowboy. the preacher replies "the horse doesn't respond to normal commands. to make him walk, you say 'praise the lord,' to get him to run, you say 'i love jesus,' and to get him to stop you say 'god hates the devil.'" "easy enough," says the cowboy. so the cowboy takes the horse out for a test run. he says "praise the lord," and the horse begins to walk. the cowboy then wants to see how fast the horse can run, so he says "i love jesus." the horse begins running as fast as he can and the cowboy is impressed. the cowboy notices a cliff coming up, and starts saying "i hate the devil... the devil hates me... ummm... god hates the devil!" the horse stops 6 inches from the edge of the cliff. the cowboy sits back in the saddle, and in a moment of relief says "phew, praise the lord!" hope you laughed!
What two coins always get into a fight? The war nickel and Peace dollar Why does the war nickel always win? He uses his friend the Shield nickel
My dad and I took his SUV to a smog station for the annual smog check. A young lady working there as a technician put the "sniffer" in the square receiver for the trailer hitch mounted below the bumper. We watched her fiddle with the computer, the test leads, sniffer, etc for awhile. Then she came inside the little building and told us she couldn't get a reading and the test failed. My pop didn;t bat an eye but said "Maybe if you put theat thingy m bob in the exhaust instead of that empty tube for the trailer hitch, it might pass". I laughed my butt off.
