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<p>[QUOTE=&quot;Phoenix21, post: 381957, member: 7424&quot;]Okay, I&#039;ve finally gone through each page, and I&#039;ve picked the winners. Some people I gave extra points too, that were really funny, but didn&#039;t make it into the Top Three. The winners are:</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Third Place:</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>GDJMSP with:</p><p><br /></p><p>In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus.</p><p><br /></p><p>As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.</p><p><br /></p><p>Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn&#039;t.</p><p><br /></p><p>So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.</p><p>Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.</p><p><br /></p><p>With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.</p><p><br /></p><p>About this time, a large Alabama man who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the </p><p>bus.</p><p><br /></p><p>She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, &quot;How dare you touch my body! I don&#039;t even know who you are!&quot;</p><p><br /></p><p>The Alabama man smiled and drawled, &quot;Well, ma&#039;am, normally I would agree with you. But after you </p><p>unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>&nbsp;</p><p><br /></p><p>Second Place goes too:</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Speedy with:</p><p><br /></p><p>The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man </p><p>elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF) </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>These boys will be dropped off in Iraq and have been given only </p><p>the following facts about terrorists : </p><p>1. The season opened today. </p><p>2. There is no limit. </p><p>3. They taste just like chicken. </p><p>4. They don&#039;t like pickups, country music or Jesus. </p><p>5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt </p><p>The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday</p><p><br /></p><p>And first place goes too.....</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Walterallen! His joke was:</p><p><br /></p><p>Three blondes die at the same time. Upon arriving at the pearly gates, they are met by Saint Peter, who informs them that heaven has too many dump blonde&#039;s, and for them to be able to enter, they will have to correctly answer a simple question.</p><p>The first blonde steps up, and Saint Peter asks her to tell him what the true meaning of Easter is. She replies, that&#039;s simple, Easter is when Santa Claus comes and brings us lots of presents. Saint Peter says, that&#039;s incorrect, your out of here, dump blonde, on your way! The second blonde steps up and Saint Peter asks the same question. She answers, that&#039;s easy, Easter is all about getting candy from the Easter Bunny and looking for Easter eggs. Saint Peter puts his hand to his fore head and replies, NO! you dump blonde that&#039;s incorrect, your out of here too, on your way! The last blonde steps forward and Saint Peter asks her the same question. She replies, that&#039; easy!, Easter is about remembering and commemorating our Lord Jesus Chris and how he died on the cross for us and how he was laid to rest in a cave and how he rose three days later and when he step out of the cave if he saw his shadow it would be six more weeks of winter.</p><p><br /></p><p><img src="styles/default/xenforo/clear.png" class="mceSmilieSprite mceSmilie8" alt=":D" unselectable="on" unselectable="on" /> <img src="styles/default/xenforo/clear.png" class="mceSmilieSprite mceSmilie8" alt=":D" unselectable="on" unselectable="on" /> <img src="styles/default/xenforo/clear.png" class="mceSmilieSprite mceSmilie8" alt=":D" unselectable="on" unselectable="on" /></p><p><br /></p><p>Each will be awarded the points for those places, congrats to the winners! But, there are still more points to give out, some bonus points and the 3 pointers (the ones that made me smile <img src="styles/default/xenforo/clear.png" class="mceSmilieSprite mceSmilie8" alt=":D" unselectable="on" unselectable="on" />) The ones that get extra points, but did not quite make it are:</p><p><br /></p><p>Treashunt gets 10 points for:</p><p><br /></p><p>A Blonde&#039;s Year in Review </p><p><br /></p><p>January </p><p>Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. </p><p><br /></p><p>February </p><p>Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... </p><p>Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won&#039;t fit in printer !!! </p><p><br /></p><p>March </p><p>Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said &#039;2-4 years!&#039; </p><p><br /></p><p>April</p><p>Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!! </p><p><br /></p><p>May </p><p>Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of </p><p>water won&#039;t fit into those little packets!!! </p><p><br /></p><p>June</p><p>Tried to go water skiing.......couldn&#039;t find a lake with a slope. </p><p><br /></p><p>July </p><p>Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other</p><p>swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! </p><p><br /></p><p>August </p><p>Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top was open. </p><p><br /></p><p>September </p><p>The capital of California is &#039;C&#039;.....isn&#039;t it??? </p><p><br /></p><p>October</p><p>Hate M &amp; M&#039;s.....they are so hard to peel. </p><p><br /></p><p>November </p><p>Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!! </p><p><br /></p><p>December </p><p>Couldn&#039;t call 911 . &#039;duh&#039;.....there&#039;s no &#039;eleven&#039; button on the stupid phone!!!</p><p><br /></p><p>Spock gets 5 points for:</p><p><br /></p><p>there were 10 mods going in the bus and a driver who is spock after a while the bus broke down so spock asked them all to get down and push a few minutes passed and the bus didnt move so the driver yelled push harder a few more minutes went by and the bus still didnt move so spock yelled what a bunch of good for nothing mods and he climbed down to see what was happening. you know what he saw?</p><p><br /></p><p>He saw that 5 mods were pushing from the front and 5 were pushing from behind.</p><p><br /></p><p>jon67 will get 5 points for this joke:</p><p><br /></p><p>The Magician and the Parrot&nbsp; There was magician on a cruise ship, and he was really good.</p><p><br /></p><p>He was performing the highlight of his show when a parrot walked onstage and squawked, &#039;&#039;It&#039;s in his sleeve!&#039;&#039; </p><p><br /></p><p>The magician chased the bird away.</p><p><br /></p><p>The next day the magician was performing his highlight again (in front of a smaller audience) when the parrot walked onstage and declared, &#039;&#039;It&#039;s in his pocket!&#039;&#039;</p><p><br /></p><p>The next day, as he was performing the highlight, he saw the parrot in the crowd. But before the parrot could ruin the magic trick, the boat crashed into a rock and sank.</p><p><br /></p><p>The magician was lucky enough to find a board to hang on to. On the other end of the board was the parrot. </p><p><br /></p><p>They stared at each other for three full days, neither of them saying anything, when the parrot said i still cant figure out where you hid the ship.</p><p><br /></p><p>5 points goes to someone for this joke (can&#039;t remember who posted this one, so the first one that posts the username of the member that posted it, will get a bonus 5 points <img src="styles/default/xenforo/clear.png" class="mceSmilieSprite mceSmilie8" alt=":D" unselectable="on" unselectable="on" />)</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Speedy posted this joke, thanks GD!</b>:</p><p><br /></p><p>Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, &quot;My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!&quot; </p><p><br /></p><p>As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed. </p><p><br /></p><p>He said, &quot;My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn&#039;t think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?&quot; </p><p><br /></p><p>The guy says, &quot;Listen, I don&#039;t want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!&quot;</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Treashunt gets another 5 for this one:</p><p><br /></p><p>A drunken blind man walks into a bar and after conversing with the locals finally yells, &quot;Hey, do you want to hear a really funny blonde joke?&quot;</p><p><br /></p><p>The gentleman beside him says to him in a hushed voice, &quot;You might not want to tell that joke since everyone here IS blonde including that 250 pound wrestler on the other side of you and the 225 pound black belt bouncer who&#039;s staring at you nastily. Are you sure you still want to tell that joke?&quot;</p><p><br /></p><p>&quot;Nah,&quot; says the blind guy, &quot;not if I&#039;m going to have to explain it twice.&quot;</p><p><br /></p><p>Now I&#039;m gonna go back and add up the ones that are the 3 pointers, and then award those points to them. Thanks for all that particapated, more still to come!</p><p><br /></p><p>Phoenix <img src="styles/default/xenforo/clear.png" class="mceSmilieSprite mceSmilie6" alt=":cool:" unselectable="on" unselectable="on" />[/QUOTE]</p><p><br /></p>

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