Reply to Thread

Message:: [QUOTE="Topher, post: 376373, member: 8489"]A French and American general were surveying a battlefield. A bullet strikes the American general, grazing his arm. He shouts "Aide! Bring me my red jacket!" The French general asks "Why did you do that?"The American general responds "So my men don't see that I'm bleeding, and lose hope."A second bullet narrowly misses the French general's ear, and he shouts: "Aide! Bring me my brown trousers!" ----------------------- Q: Where can you find 60,100,000 French jokes? A: In France. ----------------------- Q. Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? A. Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender. ----------------------- Q. Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees? A. So the Germans could march in the shade. ----------------------- Q: How many gears does a French tank have? A: 4 reverse and 1 forward, in case the enemy attacks from the rear. ----------------------- French Military Rifle for sale on eBay: "Never been shot, only dropped once!" ---------------------- Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking alongthe beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops outof it. "I will give you each one wish, " says the genie. The Englishman says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son willalso farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in England." With a blinkof the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in England was forever made fertilefor farming. The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so thatno one can come into our precious country." Again, with a blink of theGenie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France. The American asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick andnothing can get in or out." The American says, "Fill it up with water ------------------------- George Bush, Jaques Chirac and Tony Blair all go hunting. At the end of the night, they are cleaning their game and having a drink when Tony Blair stands, throws a bottle of whiskey in the air and yells "For Queen and country". He then pulls out a pistol and shoots the bottle out of the air. Chirac stands and throws a bottle of champagne in the air screaming, "Viva la France". He, too, pulls his pistol and shoots the bottle. George, not to be out done throws a can of beer in the air and pulls out his pistol. Then he shoots Chirac and yells "It doesn't get any better than this". ---------------------- The only seat available on the train was next a well dressed middle-aged French woman and was being used by her dog. The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. I need that seat." The French woman looked down her nose at the American, sniffed and said, You Americans. Your are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?" The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there?". I'm very tired." The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant....Imagine!" The American didn't say anything else, he leaned over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her honour and chastise the American. An English man sitting opposite spoke up indignantly "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong b**** out the window." ------------------------- "In response to the recent terror attacks in Spain, the French government have raised their terror alert status from Run to Hide. If attacks continue on the continent they may be forced to further increase the alert to Surrender, or even as high as Collaborate." ---------------------- Q: How many wars have the French won? A: One - The French Revolution ----------------------- Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to successfully defend Paris? A: We won't know until it has been done. ---------------------- Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a Catfish? A: One is an ugly, scum sucking, ungrateful bottom feeder and the other is a fish --------------------- President Bush and the french ambassador to the U.N. were debating the Iraqi crisis. The President tried to explain through an interpreter that if we don't stop Hussein soon, he will obtain nuclear weapons. He further explained that should that happen, any future likely conflict with the madman could result in a bloodbath. The french ambassador, although, did not understand. It seems there is no word for" bath" in french. -------------------- An old saying: "Raise your right hand if you like the French.... Raise both hands if you are French." ------------------- "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."General George S. Patton "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."Norman Schwartzkopf "We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."Marge Simpson "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure."Jacques Chirac, President of France "As far as France is concerned, you're right."Rush Limbaugh “The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee.”Regis Philbin “I don’t know why people are surprised that France won’t help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn’t help us get Hitler out of France either.”Jay Leno “The last time the French asked for “more proof’’ it came marching into Paris under a German flag.”David Letterman[/QUOTE]

Create my FREE Account!

Log in or Sign up

Reply to Thread

Useful Searches