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<p>[QUOTE=&quot;Bentley carpenter, post: 7754688, member: 120646&quot;]My writing skills I&#039;m trying to learn like I said you guys don&#039;t know what you do for me telling me about my grammar never even really heard that word but I put two and two together and figure out you all was talking about my writing now I am thinking I can&#039;t get a error right but I still try how are they even going to know what I&#039;m saying but I keep trying when you start hereing me I quit I am done and I love this stuff my wife asked me all the time how do you look at a coin all day I&#039;m like ant you glad to day you don&#039;t have to worry about when I&#039;m coming home or I&#039;m in jail or wreck the car. Like I said when I tell you I quiet that is when it is bad for me cause I don&#039;t quit something you love if I have to I will get like mountain man said take a break read a book just take it easy come back with a fresh set of eyes I done that with my speach when I talk I step way back how can I help people a little more so I get what you guys do to me angry some times feel like I should just give up so I thought about a lot said about my coins and I get aggravated some times but I always come back there more out there then what I am seeing so when I speak I put my purse down and find my man voice and then we get serious cause if you can&#039;t handle what I&#039;m saying how are you going to handle. Getting off drugs you not you got to throw everything you got at it I know I did but I was one of the bad one&#039;s it took years of my life to do it and I still get up every day and thank God for you All guys I don&#039;t care if you believe it or not you guys are special and doing what you all do and I asked God to just look over me and keep me clean just for today and I been doing it for 10 years and I have talked in front of some of the most famous people in were I&#039;m from we all get together there is about 8 of us I&#039;m the new guy one is a governor hes the old man he will hurt your feelings but he is a good speaker some are teachers from college there mostly drinkers they have 40 to 50&nbsp; years now they have 20 some years so I&#039;m the youngest buy the way the woman went on got there bachelor degree and they was on the streets selling there body and then they were me I am proud to stand with these women and men if you got a heart you will drop a tear but are tears of happy I speak I&#039;m that guy don&#039;t need no mike I have a great voice I was gifted with it my mom told me before she passed away at age 45 that I&#039;ve would make one hek off a precher I get that alot I&#039;m that guy I took everything it just was not one thing I took what ever was going on and the sky was the limit I can remember at the age 14 all ready was driving wakeing up going were am I how did I get here I would go to the door and my car would be seating there how I got home I have no idea I remember my mother always telling me that God was driving that car last night I always come in bouncing off the walls and she be setting there in here chair been praying over me that make it home and man I was young they should beat me. Dad said beating will only make it worse I remember my first drink I was 13 years I know this might sound crazy it is the gossiple truth I knew right then I love the taste of drink I was born with disease some people can drink two bears and put it down well I would drink 12 and want more I always wondered that how can he just drink one and shut off I never in my life could do that but that drink stared up a different types of drugs and I was like that with every thing I done I could not get enough i don&#039;t have no idea why I&#039;m talking about all this who tells the world that he was just a drunk at 14 i do i am very opening about my problem as long as you keep that built in you you will never know the true meaning of beating this thing I&#039;ve told my story over off hundreds of times about all the crazy stuff I done I don&#039;t talk like most speaker do ever body is different I feel like if you just set for a hour talking about what you did how I did it we&#039;ll they all ready done know what you are talking about that&#039;s why they&#039;re there. I talk about the stuff you can have when you finally get off that butt and start really liven how to take care of your family I didn&#039;t even realize were i live people come from all over the world to see and I have lived buy it and never went one time just to look all I had on my mind was my next high but you really from the bottom of your heart want to quit I will show you what I done it may be a little different in it but I will tell you this want be no different and that is you are going to have to work at this like you never worked at anything in your life if you don&#039;t change your ways you going to be 6 feet under or doing life in prison and you deserve better than that I would talk in front of the president we have all this power American people do I can turn on the news don&#039;t say nothing about how we going to stop these drugs just last week 8 people died 22 30 ever one with kids crazy I get so mad at my self are there something else I can do I am telling this thing is bigger than us I know I carried it for years before I could get it off my back I tell you how it happened in a flash ever ounce of energy that wanted them drugs were gone. I got in trouble with the law I got a 7 years sentence just got doing a 5 and then a 2 I was living in there me with kids people can judge me or what ever this talking tonight some one going to read every bit of this and going to get something out of it I&#039;m sure it all happens different I done 3 years straight stayed in trouble fighting doing what I want to do well after they let me lose I had to go to a6 month program all the way 4 hours from home I&#039;ve heard of this place before I got there how hard it was just to make it through the hole program not many this building is hook to a church I was like that is different I repesct church I was growed up in it. So I walked in there guys all ready coming up to me they were seeing if I was bringing anything in I was like get lost. In the system I have a name for my self I can take care of my own I seen a couple boys were I was in a different program now this is my 6 program there telling pretty much you don&#039;t get it right I&#039;m about done with you</p><p>&nbsp;So the lady was checking me in was rude so I was like you going to act like that and I being nice so I show you so I&#039;m talking to her stupid so they had to call back up when really she didn&#039;t have to do all that so that is the first day we&#039;ll they give me this consolor big black dude about 7 foot tall but his speech was about like my writing I didn&#039;t say much he told me to stay away from the woman she just like that now I got go in the guy office that running the place I&#039;m what you call a good judge of Carter well when I made the turn eyes contact I knew right then and I&#039;m telling my self be Bentley you ant going to make it I stuck my hand out to shake your hand. I was like we&#039;re I come from we shack hands its a respect thing I saw my papaw do it plenty and he was big as life so he pulled his arm back I was like you ant going to shake my hand I don&#039;t know we&#039;re youe hand been put me straight down right there I was like me and you ant getting off on the lane he was like I done your type I was like what my type cause if place here you call your little prison I don&#039;t think you know me what so I tell you what I have 6 months to do you get paid so much money me just walking in the door and so much more if I make it through this will be the last time I will be office until the day I&#039;m done to get my paperwork work. That was just part of the day they had a special meeting in the church main guy wanting to talk man I roll up there I have shower shoes on didn&#039;t even have a pair of shoes to even wear that is were I was at in my life I&#039;m telling you should have seen these guys there are 70 people that is all it would hold so no body didn&#039;t want to set up front right were I want to be I have never fear no man saw it look like 69 troops getting ready to go to war I mean they all set straight&nbsp; no sloushing hek I didn&#039;t know it&#039;s my first day i ant&nbsp; been there three hours he picks me out of everyone of us knowing we just had words ask me why am I got shower shoe on in the church that is all I got he was like you telling me you ant seen a man with know showes on his feet I thought this was a place to get help cause I can call My p o and get moved were they know what addition means and if you are trying to be funny I don&#039;t know what kinda cartoon place but we can turn it up side down before dark guy never meet had me a brand new&nbsp; Nikes be&nbsp; night time I will say buy the grace of God I made it Lord showed me things give me visions took that want out of me I left that place a different man thanks to God for giving me another chance he didn&#039;t have to even look my way but he saw a broke down man only thing was keeping on my own two feet is the toughest I had to fight to make it I went in there My last day my conslor made me look at my self and Bentley ever time we meet I want you to tell me what you see the first 3 months I lost just to prove I was not going no we&#039;re I would never been able to live with my self I never talked to nobody in my life it is were I started to be come a man and I mean a big man my conslor told me about half way through he was like you ever notice you are the last person I talk to before I go home and I leave here with a smile Bentley let me tell you something I been doing this a long time but there something in you that is so special I can&#039;t wait to I see you you put a smile on my face if you can put a smile on my face and that&#039;s is saying something I love how you stand up for what you believe you got all the tools you need there something special about you I just don&#039;t know what it is but the sky is the limit but I got woke up three nights in a roll at 2:30 in the morning ever night in theme Three nights was a picture of God and my mom plain as day it had been so many years since I seen my mom I got that picture I knew right there every thing was going to be all right that next Sunday they would let us go to church I know my Bible I had some qouts that God ask me to speak on it</p><p>Im really a shy guy I don&#039;t get up in front of people but soon as they let me up there I got that.mike I started reading out of the bible had the hole house shouting All&nbsp; black never been in one but I love the next Sunday o ever half the sap program was at church in it so I started bringing God into the program well the main man heard me talking in front of All the people had people believe in what God has done for me he took the mike out my hands and were not turning this a church I was not doing anything but what ever body can see through me from the day I walked in to the 3 months they saw a change in me and people wanted it I&#039;m like guys you got to understand god was dealing with me I asked him to come into my life and mean that from the bottom of my heart you have mean what you are saying people was like I was just floating around never seen such a change I felt to I was taking over the program they think you youse the 12 steps it is a lot a like move some words around step one it is the most important thing turn my life around to the care of God as I understand him then another step believe in a power greater than My as I understand him. It just like the bible if you don&#039;t believe in the&nbsp; bible that y not good how you think we get up look what we get up to but you do not say god got you sober they don&#039;t want to be that there trying to take all the pride what done every morning I pray to you what do you done know how they feel he told me to keep my faith in me I will do the rest so ever morning we all go to the church we done this 7 days week I would be setting there I could all ready fill that pull toeget up they&#039;re and do the best I can so would get up this hour post to be for us I&#039;m like it is 8 :00 in the morning let us be happy that were sober guys I have watch how I say this but I don&#039;t see nothing wrong saying God is good that it simple little saying so I started it off like that I had ever body in the building people packing there bible Around asking questions the hole place flip over there were a few didn&#039;t believe like I did I know how they were I went to each one I did had to get it out In the open I told I know you don&#039;t believe in god but that is all right but I tell you what you can do this could be hard do you believe that you can get sober and live your life raise your kids I understand everything are saying it feels like you talking straight to me I will tell you I&#039;m not I never center any body out if you start feeling that way that is God knocking on your heart I don&#039;t have no control everything that comes&nbsp; out of my mouth is for some body to listen this might be your last chance you may never get a nother chances I had a old man he was probably the oldest Guy in there he stopped me one he didn&#039;t talk to nobody but he started talking to me he knew just as much about the bible than I did I like you are not scared God looks for people like you he could give you gifts that normal people want never see.&nbsp; But he told me that you are being watched I done know everyone that is going to tell the main man I told let tell you something you are not God you might feel like you have power over us. Let me tell you something I am glad I&#039;m here God put me here you can&#039;t hurt gods people me knowing that he could kick me out at any time my conslor had a lot of pull I mean this guy got his ba bahlor degree and other things it took My conslor to kick me out my lay3 months we got this kid he would talk his self and answer his self he put in my dorm couple days went buy I&#039;m outside side it was free time at the time my conslor came out side Hollar Bentley when you get done come to my office so I was smoking then everyone asking what did I do I don&#039;t know he has never ask for me just consolor time so I get up there and buy the way he had stroke one day at work he get me to walk him to the door I thought the world nobody ever got that close to things what makes me tick but I get up there that boy he probably ant 22 year&#039;s old so what up I want to know would you do me a favor he gets out about when you do what are you trying to say I want you to watch this boy from morning to evening he would get his meds I will call the shoots if there any problem they will have to dill with me so for 3 months&nbsp; me and him was Hook at the hip. I would have to tell him to take a shower get him a outfit out for him people would make fun specially the new the old people done know I was over him so I go out side they have him round up I be like what is going on here let me get something straight I post to go to the conslor on the people doing that I ant going to do that get someone kick out you going to have to go through me keep it up and I show were I come from I done beat you death making fun of the slow right at the end why did you pick me out of 70 guys it&#039;s the way you care your self you ant going let nothing bad happened to him plus you might be able to teach him stuff i would tell the staff off some of them would be making fun I just happened to walk up on it I would ask him what going on if there doing you bad you tell me and I will take care of it but the woman that treat me like garbage she pulled me to the side one day I been watching you I never seen such a change she started crying on me you are one I&#039;m going to miss everyone that work there though the world of me they give us a piss test I past it the main guy walks over to my table you lucky I thought for sure you would be dirty I was like you got a bad connection I knew who he was in a couple days off being there I would go on act crazy what was crazy is that they put me right beside of him I try to talk to him I giving him a heads up you want make it a week the streets are going to eat you up and buy the way I know for a fact you are are the one telling everything I done or say buddy this is your first sap program this is my 6 one you are letting the guy that runs this place going to do for you if you was not working for him it would be somebody else but I am a mine reader I know for a fact you are telling him every thing I don&#039;t know how you sleep at night you waisting your time getting me kick out if I did I would be coming looking for you first I would break his jaw they would have to wire his mouth together done it before but even the main man told me at the end I tried to get rid of you the first day and here it is you made it I have to say you said things to me would been gone I&#039;m sure you no why you are here your conslor he seen something in you than I did I think you are one good actor no I just played your little tone God is the one has the control over what I do as long as I stay on the straight and narrow ever think else will be all right I&#039;m a speaker that just a small piece I was in place when I was 15 years old all ready trying to get me help most of them I would run off I know this stuff better than a real conslor. You don&#039;t have to read all of it just a little piece I went through not counting that 3 years straight but folks you don&#039;t have to go that far you may not be as lucky I guess if this message ant for nobody out there you would no you would fill the pull in your heart but it.might just be me maybe I am looking for someone one to talk to my brother Last week overdose I finally got a hold of him asking,He said yes I did I don&#039;t care you do care to how could you say that he said he going to live life to the fullest I go out and try to help addict. And I can&#039;t even help my brother I asked him did he want help I can get him in a 45 days program he likes you are crazy it is just 45 days that ant nothing you done know what I went through I know I can&#039;t do all that 45 days might get his health back. Just needing some one to talk to about it he may brother were just a year a part I don&#039;t know I got it in God hands but what bother me is he don&#039;t care if he dies or not. I am going to opglidise to everyone out there about all the talking see I call it talking not writing I do this so much but I guess I will do it until I die as long as people show up I have people tell me they will be back that you act like you been doing this all your life I&#039;ve not been doing that alone they don&#039;t want you to speak to you have at least 5 years in but let me tell you the first 5 ever think in your life has to change could be a relationship it could mean anything that is a downer get away from it I&#039;m done right now but it is a different down I can remember this guy work besides me for 25 years logging he run the equipment I run the saw well I guess everyone from east to west to north to south.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>......[/QUOTE]</p><p><br /></p>

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