This employee stole gold from the Royal Canadian Mint! Crazy, the Royal Canadian Mint didn't even know someone was stealing from them! Bizarre!
Ewww...now I can't touch my Canadian coins. Who knows where they've been? Although, I don't know if a jar of Vaseline is "compelling evidence". Vaseline has a lotta uses. I use it to keep ants off my hummingbird feeder.
Assessing their security procedures probably should include a staff proctologist for full cavity searches.
Why didn't the hand-held metal detector detect anything on his backside? Or did it but they didn't act on it?