As I've mentioned before, I collect "stories." Below is a story told by coins from my collection. Feel free to add your own coins to expand it. A long, long time ago (roughly 2300 years) in a kingdom far, far away (Bithynia in modern day Turkey), lived a king named Nikomedes I. He is pictured on this coin, and had a problem. Nikomedes I 279 - 255 B Bronze AE 17 4.477g, 16.5mm, 0h Rec Gen I-2 p. Ex Forum Ancient Coins His issue was with his brother Zipoetes II. You see, for some reason Zipoetes felt that Nikomedes had bad intentions. This hurt Nikomedes' feelings, as just because he killed their other two brothers, didn't necessarily mean he'd do the same to Zipoetes. Family gatherings were tense, and when a holiday party resulted in Zipoetes taking a good portion of Bithynia, Nikomedes was at a loss on what to do. Then, one night while he was watching TV, an ad appeared. "Do you have an insurrection in your kingdom? Is your capital under siege? Do you have the means to transport tens of thousands over the Bosphorus? Then we're you're answer. We're the Gauls." Back then, the Gauls were a marauding group of people reknowned for their copy arts. You wanted copy-handbags, immitation silphium, or knock-off Tyre purple, the Gauls were your source. They even copied coinage, such as this type, originally minted by Philip II, resumed under Kassander, and copied by the Gauls. Eastern Europe. Celts. 315-270 BCE. 13.16g Ex Aegean Numismatics Nikomedes couldn't call the number fast enough, and soon his brother was running for his life from the masses of Gauls. Zipoetes II was executed, and Nikomedes repaid the Gauls by transporting them over the Bosphorus, and he lived happily ever after. Yet while Bithynia was now in peace, neighboring Macedonia was in chaos. The Gauls had most rudely interrupted their festivals and eaten all the food. Something must be done, and the someone to do it was Ptolemy Keraunos. KINGS of MACEDON. Ptolemy Keraunos. 281-279 BC. AR Tetradrachm. In the name and types of Alexander III. Amphipolis mint. Head of Herakles right, wearing lion skin headdress / Zeus Aëtophoros seated left; monograms in left field and below throne. Price 537; Mathisen, Administrative –. Ex CNG Now, among the most illustrious rulers in history, Ptolemy Keraunos is pretty far down the stack. He grew up in Egypt and was the son of the well-regarded Ptolemy I. However, when Ptolemy grew to realize what a rotten son-of-a-bitch Keraunos was, he gave the throne to Keraunos' stepbrother, Ptolemy II, who promptly booted Keraunos when he took power. Ptolemy Keraunos then went on a tour of Eastern Europe, during which time he pissed off pretty much every country. He started with Lysimachos, formerly a bodyguard of Alexander III. As a guest in Lysimachos' house, he convinced his host to kill his son, which was very unpopular in the kingdom. Lysimachos, 321-281 v. Chr. Tetradrachme 287/281 v. Chr., Perinth. Kopf des vergöttlichten Alexander / Athena mit Nike-Statuette auf Cippus und Schild, Beiz. Monogramm und 2 gegenläufige Pferdeprotomen. Thompson in Festschr. Robinson (1968), -, vgl. 256 HGC 1750q; vgl. Auktion Naumann 63, 566 (stgl.) Thompson, Armenak-Hoard (=ANS MN 31, 198 - Müller, Lysimachus - Arnold-Biucchi in Festschr. Price (1998) - 17.08 g. Feine Tönung, Unpublizierte Variante (?) Ex Dr. Busso Peus Aware that he was no longer Lysimachos' friend, Ptolemy Keraunos pleaded with the powerful Seleukos I Nikator, who - being a nice guy - stormed the Hellespont and killed Lysimachos. Grateful for the help in time of need, Ptolemy Keraunos offered to join Seleukos in prayer, then stabbed him in the back (literally). Tetradrachm (Silver, 26 mm, 17.08 g, 8 h), Susa, circa 296/5-281. Laureate head of Zeus to right. Rev. BAΣIΛEΩΣ / ΣEΛEΥKOΥ Athena, brandishing spear overhead in her right hand and holding shield in her left, standing right in quadriga of elephants moving to right; above to right, spearhead; before elephants, monogram of MΩ. SC 177.2. Ex Leu Ptolemy Keraunos was now persona-non-grata pretty much everywhere, but he upped the stakes by marrying his half-sister Arsinoe II, then murdering her two youngest children on their wedding day. Arsinoe, who felt this an inappropriate wedding present, fled. SNG v. Aulock 1840; Svoronos 134, 883 Taf. 26, 13 AE 4.23 g Ionien, Ephesos als Arsinoe AE-Dichalkon, 287-281 v. Chr., unter Aristagoras Vs.: verschleierter Kopf der Arsinoe II. n. r. Rs.: Hirsch lagert n. l., Kopf n. r. Ex Kölner Münzkabinett At the time our Gauls crossed over into Macedonia, the very same Ptolemy Keraunos was its leader. Thrilled at the prospect of pissing off some new people, he hurried to the battlefront without waiting for the proper reinforcements. There, the Gauls defeated him and placed his head on a spear to parade around. The world was not saddened by this. Yet, as bad as Ptolemy Keraunos was, things took a turn for the worse in Macedonia. There were Gauls everywhere. One couldn't walk in the street without witnessing this horde pillaging. The Gauls cut in line at the supermarkets, ravaged the countryside, and had horrible manners. The coin below was minted during this time, and though its issue predated and postdated the invasion of the Gauls, it signifies perfectly the feeling of the times. AE 3.95 Kingdom of Macedonia Interregnum (288-277 BC) SEAR 6781 Ex Numiscorner Something needed to be done, and when the Gauls attacked the holy city of Delphi, the Greeks had had enough. This time, it was the Aetolians who stepped to the front. The Aetolian League was an exclusive club of cities in ancient Greece, who had lately made some rather poor decisions in arguing with Alexander the Great. But with him out of the picture, they were now the big boys in town. They were also the inventors of the thermos, named for their capital. 290-220 BCE Ae 19mm 6.4g Obv. Laureate head of Apollo right Reverse: Spearhead above jawbone of Calydonian boar, grape bunch to left Ex Bargain Bin Ancients The Aetolian League teamed up with Antigonos II Gonatas. Antigonos was the rock star of the day, since he enjoyed tremendous fame through both sides of his family. His father was Demetrios I Poliorketes, which means "besieger of cities." Every time Athens or Rhodes invited Demetrios to dinner, there would be a huge flotilla of tiremes outside the city, and all the inhabitants would say "not again, Demetrios!" Demetrios' father was Antigonos I Monophthalmos, the famous general of Alexander the Great who finally perished on the battlefield against the combined might of Seleukos, Lysimachos, and Ptolemy at the age of 81. Kings of Macedon. Pella. Demetrios I Poliorketes 306-283 BC. Tetradrachm AR 30 mm, 17,12 g Diademed and horned head of young Demetrios right / ΒΑΣΙΛΕΩΣ ΔΗΜΗΤΡΙΟΥ, poseidon standing left resting foot on rock, monograms at either side. Newell 90. Ex Savoca Antigonos' mother was Phila, a highly-respected woman who was the daughter of a lowly respected man in Kassander, who himself was son of Alexander III's regent in Macedonia, Antipater. All of this fame was great for Antigonos II Gonatas, but he lacked much of an army to retake his birthright of Macedonia, so he joined with the more powerful Aetolians. Together, they strode out to take on the fierce Gauls. In an amazing bit of fortune, the work turned out to be easier than thought. While everyone was encamped at night, anxious to fight the next day, an earthquake hit during a lightning storm. The resulting chaos caused the Gauls to panic, and they started killing each other while the Aetolians and Antigonos II Gonatas watched the whole spectacle with popcorn. The next day, they mopped up what remained. Kings of Macedon, Antigonos II Gonatas (277/6-239 BC). AR Tetradrachm (31mm, 16.85g, 3h). Amphipolis, c. 274/1-260/55. Horned head of Pan l., lagobolon over shoulder, in the centre of a Macedonian shield. R/ Athena Alkidemos advancing l., preparing to cast thunderbolt; crested Macedonian helmet to inner l., monogram to inner r. HGC 3, 1042. Ex London Ancient Coins Now, although Antigonos wasn't the best military leader, being the product of royalty had enabled him to achieve his MBA (Macedonian Business Administration), and one skill he learned there was brand marketing. To build his brand, he advertised the whole ordeal by taking Pan - the Deity of Mischief - as his emblem and placing it in the center of all his coins. The Aetolians, who supplied the majority of troops, are still relatively unknown to this day. The Gauls eventually moved to France and became the center of modern day haute couture.
BRAVO!!! Thanks so much for this WILDLY hilarious and factual(ish) thread! Loved the story, loved the history and LOVED the coins!!! Here are some of the folks involved: The Smelly Celts The incompetent son Macho lice man Seleucus the line jumper Intersandman The guy famous for not being able to take Rhodes then nicknames himself the besieger The Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great grandson of a really great guy
Thanks! And nice Celtic coins! I was really tempted to buy one of the later coins since I find the abstract designs more interesting, but I went with this one since the time period was closer. I hope others find the story amusing/interesting. I have a bunch more in planning where I'm missing just one coin...
And I see I left out a MSC of one of the main characters. Here's a couple Demetrios poliamory monograms
