Why do I feel differently about coin people in person than I do online?

I find it easy to get along with just about anyone online, but feel strange meeting people in person. I find myself judging and doing a lot of judging when I am face to face. I feel myself judging people judge me, or judging someone judging me while I judge them. Does that make sense? I know I am in the privacy of my own home right now, but why is it so awkward to meet someone in person. I get these different vibes in feeling someone out. It must be too high of expectations. First I would like to say that I could care less about how someone looks, or whether they are male or female or age for that matter. I've played cards with thousands of people, and gotten over that hump. It is more along the lines of this: When it comes to people my age it is bad news. It turns into some childish competition that I don't want to get involved in. It doesn’t matter if they have been collecting their entire life or just started yesterday. It turns into a one ups-manship that I unwillingly participate in. YN (teenagers).. Doesn’t bother me a bit. Older veterans? No threat whatsoever. People in my age range I don't know why, but it's like we have to prove something to each other. Like we are living in a dog eat dog world and this is not just about sharing coins and information. When I meet random people to play disc golf, there is no threat whatsoever. We throw Frisbees around and keep on moving. On the other hand there is something more personal with coins. When it comes time to share my coins, it is not the same as online. Someone is looking directly into my identity. Sometimes when someone asks me for instance "how long have you been collecting," I am wondering... Is this person wondering how long I have been collecting, or do they want to figure out if I can be beneficial to them financially? I know this is a very obscure thread, but I would love to hear opinions. :rollling:

 

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take your medicine Jason !!!! Do you need a sign that says "I dont play well with others that are in my own age group?" Its common dude!! Alpha male crap, it is programmed in us from birth. Dont worry yourself too much with it. I am bad about that when I go somewhere I am not familiar with. I am always checking and trying to stay very sharp, if in the case things got out of control, I would still have some sense of control on the situation. Does that make sense?

 

It is normal, just because you share a common interest with coin people doesn't mean that you will get along. gypsy is right, everyone is trying to prove how much they know or stay alert so they don't get scammed. Join a coin club, go to classes and seminars where buying and selling is not the primary purpose for the gathering and people will let their guard down a bit.
I am typically a loner, but have met several people from CT and have not had a bad experience yet.

 

I understand what you are saying but I think you are putting too much thought into this. Also people act differently when it comes to money.

 

You actually know 20-somethings that are serious about collecting? I haven't met any in person and am close to leaving the 20's myself.

The best way to deal with one-upsmanship is to laugh and do your own thing regardless of what they are doing.

 

You should be in my line of work (EMS) where ego seems to be a prerequisite for employment. I've been at it 28 years, and it never ceases to amaze me that the younger guys and gals tell stories like the old folks (who usually don't talk like that). They can be entertaining at times. Relax. If you feel uncomfortable, move on to the next person. You can please some of the people all of the time, all of the people some of the time, but you will never please all of the people all of the time.

 

So true. It is obviously some rediculous problem that I have. This is how stupid it is. A buddy of mine from the Army got out about a year after me. I went to playing cards, and he did contracting work overseas. He made some bigtime money, and made some wise investments. He currently owns his own shop (Virginia Prospector) and has a good gig going on. He reached out to me through a message on eBay a few months ago about how he would hook me up with his refiner, and how he started off "small, flipping coins." I never even gave him a call. He is a nice guy, and we were in the same PLT. and all, but he just wasn't one of my closest original Army buddies. I finally came to my senses and sent him a message. I plan on calling him tommorrow. Totally stupid ego crap. We could have been working with each other a long time ago. Oh well I'm kinda ranting.

 

I never get into PP contests.........bladder ain't what it used to be.

 

Dealing direct with people is much more complexed. Now you have body language to deal with, inflections plus tone of voice and even the surroundings you are in can influence you. When you are interacting on a site, you have time to think and even change your statement before you post it. Face to face it's all spontaneous, which means you may not even comment (or wish you hadn't) to a conversation to avoid speaking out of turn, out of context or more often, not explaining your self as well.. Because of all that extra involvement, many people become introverts when in a crowd but very gregarious on a web site. Plus that, you can always leave a conversation on a web site, where it may not be an alternative in a person to person situation.

 

I think a lot of us are proud or excited to share what we have aquired over the years with fellow collectors that have the same passion that we do. I personally don't try to outshine someone else's glory, but sometimes the conversation leads to remembering something else which you may be excited to share...

Anyway, I'd like to find people in my age group that shares my collecting interest. I know that none of my friends understand it.

 

You guys are right. Maybe I'll go to one of these local coin club meetings one day.

 

Trust me, your collection is always better than another's collection. Why? Because you put time and effort into putting the coins you like and maybe have bought one of those "WHY DID I BUY THIS???" coins, but turned to love it. I know I have done that. If you start having a contest at who can pee further up a rope, you are just gonna get wet. You'll be trying ton one-up their coins even though it is a series you absolutely despise. Your focus will be diverted from what you really love, for me it is Mercury Dimes, to something you absolutely hate (Susan B. Anthony dollars for me). One of my friends recently completed his UNC/proof/variety set for SBAs and I almost was tempted to go with graded proofs rather than his raw proofs to one up him, but then realized I will be wasting my money because it is the coin I hate the most and doesn't get much of a return, so I am working on my short-set of mercury dimes. Just ignore it and move on with yours, if you don't you will definitely regret it.

 

And do polish up on the "people" skills. Take it from a guy who has been "thrown out into public" (Ron White speak) on many an occasion. Ya gotta be able to handle yourself and leave the posturing and Roostering behind. Don't mean diddly........

 

I gave up trying to read this.

 

...Seriously, Sometimes my fingers just get to typing and I hardely can understand it myself.

 

You think meeting other coin collectors you've met on line is difficult, try on line dating and meeting up with the daughter of an old girlfriend!!! Awkward!!!

(Didn't happen to me. It was a friend who did it.... I'm in a very happy on again / off again relationship.)

 

Hahah. Well atleast your buddy knew what kind of girl he liked.

 

I'm different online, too, but in a different way. I have fun trying not to be as animated as I am in person because I like to see how people react (respond) to an "emoticon-less" post. Some people have thick skins; some people have thin skins, and some people should be skinned alive.

I've never considered anything a game of one-up-manship when I am reading someone's post or talking to them in person. Certainly, there are things they've accomplished or experienced that I haven't, and I'm always interested in learning about them (except for the guy who tells you the same story every time you see him). At the same time, I've done so many things in my life, met people from the four corners of the globe and there is rarely a time in conversing with someone that the topic doesn't remind me of something I did many years ago.

Of course, being a bartender for 20 years didn't hurt either.

Chris

 

What's that supposed mean??? Some people have thick skin?? you better not be calling me fat....

 

Nah, you'd be labeled thin skinned according to Chris' classification Bernie........

Welcome to the forum........and the madness.